My NaNoWriMo slowed down the last week. Mostly I could blame work, there was enough of it, but really I can and should blame the YOU SUCK monsters. They crawl into your head and tell you that everything you write is pointless and that, well, you suck. Toss in there that I have become completely disillusioned with my masters program and you have a non writing girl this past week.
And then someone sent me this:
And I fell madly in love with it. I liked Eat. Love. Pray even if I did not get the mad hype behind it. But maybe that is because Ive always indulged in all 3 at will and in full abandon (although admittedly much less of the praying variety and too much of the eating variety).
But what really struck me was her comment on people’s reactions when you tell them you want to write. The mix of pity and horror, followed by the either “you will never be successful,” or should you have success it’s followed by the “but you will never have success again!”
Why do we do that to ourselves and others? For myself when I am writing for myself I love it. You can almost always tell if I have been writing that day by how happy and free I feel. Should you ask to see it you will get an instant snapping shut of the happiness lid and I will regard you in return with the “are you crazy?” eyes. And it all comes back to the fact that I do not want anyone giving me crap or even praise over what I write. Both make you crazy, even if it is for the wrong reasons. Its Revolt of The Masses all over again, we are so afraid of what the mass will say we willingly squash what is wonderful and creative within us. We do it because it is not the best, or its stupid, or others will laugh. When really we should let them laugh. It does not matter how good it is. It makes me happy! It makes me happy without infringing on the happiness or rights of others, and it makes my job that pays the bills one I enjoy because it allows me the free time to indulge in that which I love, should I choose to share it or not, and should I choose to share, I still loved writing it should I find an audience for it or not.
In other words, why is success based on money and not on how happy you are in your own personal life? Why am I less successful for choosing something that makes me happy but low in pay over someone who is miserable but has 6 figures in their bank account every year?
And on that note I am going back to work on my fledging book and I leave you with more food for thought: